Older, See it Face to Face

We are back in Berkeley after a lovely trip out east.

I was totally seduced by Richmond. That place gets me, every time. A front porch for everyone! Great friends! Great food! Proximity to my family (close, but not too close). Only 100 easy miles away from Katie! AND I could have what is essentially my dream house for somewhere in the 400k neighborhood.

But, friends, it is hot there. And while it would be a great career move for ME (I could essentially make the same amount of money there as I would here, while living on about 60% of the income), it would not be a career move in the least for my husband. Plus, everyone smokes actual cigarettes, which kills the air all around you.

But still, all the benefits are food for thought. I am submerged for at least 15 minutes a day in the swells of East Bay house porn. Here, my dream home costs about 850k, which firmly requires both of us to work as hard as possible so that we can afford the life we have and hopefully retire someday. But the food is delicious and super affordable. And the air smells like flowers, 90% of the year. And, of course, there are about a million other reasons to be in love with this place over a place like RVA. Walking Niko to his school this morning reminded me of all the lovliness... a beautiful day with zero humidity, like most every day here, year round.

Anyhow. House porn. I have a problem. I guess I just feel as if, when we buy a house, wherever it is (probably in the east bay), I'm pretty much not leaving. I want to build out a garden and work on it for years. I want to know a house's very bones. I want to know (and fix) every creaky floor board. I want to watch trees grow and grow. I want to know every neighbor's drama and dog. I want to set up house and never, ever leave. I want this moving around to just plain stop.

***

In sad news, I found out while we were away that Sopor has cancer, and that it's in her lymph system. I take her today to get her stitches out (I had a bunch of the cancer removed before I knew what it was). I'm excited to let her hang around outside again, for her last days. She seems to be feeling fine after what was a rough recovery. I've never taken a pet in for surgery before, and it was ugly. I'll be happy to throw the cone away and be done with it. I just want to enjoy her and make her happy for the time she has left. She's been the best cat for me, and I'm super sad to think that she won't be with us for much longer. In fact, I don't want to write about it any more.

***

In happier news, Niko's birthday is the day after tomorrow and I am starting to feel super excited about planning it. He has requested pancakes for breakfast, an extended school day (I guess he wants to bask in the glow of his friends knowing it's his birthday), and strawberry rhubarb crisp for dinner. We are buying him binoculars. And maybe a kid's bird watching book?

I don't know what I'm doing for the party yet. I need ideas. I'm so travel weary and just want to do something small, which I'm sure will feel large enough to him, anyhow. He has requested chocolate balls instead of cake, based on a gluten free mostly dates and nuts recipe that a friend made in RVA. Berkeley kid wants gluten free, vegan, chocolate balls instead of cake! And he told me this morning that we sure need to eat extra vegetables this week because we didn't eat that many while on vacation. Sure, kid, no problem. I love it!

My son. I have so very much to say right now but really just feel like talking about my lovely son.



I'll put it behind a cut. It is long and meandering!

( Read more... )

It's finally happening. I am surrounded by boxes and am strangely not stressed. At all.

I imagine this is because the stress will come later, as I try to cajole my way into a tight renters mareket in a city where I know next to no one. As I try to wrap my head around why I would ever want to leave the stability and sense of community that Seattle has provided for us. As I start over, again.

I start over all the time, you guys. On a dime, usually. I mean, there might be a few days of waffling, but mostly I'm game for anything, all the time. My therapist recently told me that if something happens 3 times or more, the problem is me. We were, of course, talking about something entirely more personal, but I've been thinking a lot since about how life keeps leading me to live in all these different cities and about how that is obviously something I have obviously chosen to do, time and again. If I ever complain about how life has led me on a meandering path that has left me feeling uprooted, please refer me to myself as the 'problem'.

And the fact is that I get bored when things I expect to happen are happening. So here we Bensons go!

Niko is taking it all remarkably in stride. It's kind of amazing. Even Sopor is being a sport about residing in the basement bathroom of some kind neighbors until we take her on the road. Though I did just get a phone call about how her head got stuck between the wall and the washing machine. Poor Sopor. I hope they both continue to roll with it during the crazy drive down to San Francisco. Because that's how I roll into new cities. On wheels. We could have easily had the car shipped down there and followed in a plane... But I like to roll into a new city after being on the road in contemplation.

And, anyway, it's not like we will never be back in Seattle again. It's a pretty short plane ride and Niko needs to come back from time to time to hang out with his toddler friends. He has become so close with his little drooly pants crew. Lord knows how I'll be able to replicate the camaraderie that I have those families, but change always seems impossible when you're looking at it head on. When I was 20, I was absolutely determined that being a wife and a mother was slavery. And while that's not entirely untrue (!), it's also something I entirely welcomed 10 years later. When I was a new mom, I never thought I'd be comfortable hanging out on the playground and chatting up other moms and now I'm making playground friends all the time... Or, well, I would be if it weren't so damn cold and foggy right now. So point is that I'm having a hard time imagining how I will morph into a Bay Area Mom with Bay Area Mom Buds, but I know I will. Because I must, and because I am lucky in areas like this, anyhow.

We have had the most glorious week of goodbyes, you guys. I have felt so much love and support from our friends here. It has been overwhelming and beautiful. Our Bon Voyage party was the best party of 2013 thus far, I am sure. I almost made it through without crying but, of course, the Vain crew got me. Truly, I do not know how I will ever possibly replicate the awesomeness of the Vain crue and clients. And so I cried, which I don't do because heaven forbid anyone see me as less than powerful. But then I did. So the gig was up for 5 minutes until I ran to the bathroom to save my eye makeup.

I will close with a funny Niko moving story:

Two days ago, I went over my own personal moving schedule with Niko while he had dinner. I wanted him to understand what I was doing every day, and why he was in daycare all week. When I got to friday on the schedule, I said, "Friday, you are going to go to Jenny's and the people are going to come and pack up our Choo House (Niko's name for our place, of course). He screamed NO I DON'T WANT THEM TO PACK UP MY CHOO HOUSE. I explained that the house needed to be packed up so that our stuff could be shipped to San Francisco. So he says Oh in a totally nonchalant manner (related: the fact that toddlers can go from SCREAMING to nonchalant in a split second is ZOMG). Then he asks me to read the schedule again.

I read the schedule 4 more times. Every time I get to Friday, he screams NO I DON'T WANT THEM TO PACK UP MY CHOO HOUSE!! And I repeat my explanation. Then he asks me to read it again. Finally, the last time I read the schedule, I ask him - And what happens on Friday? - and he wails - THEY ARE TAKING AWAY MY TRAINS!!!!! I said, dude? is that what this is about? and he weeps into my shoulder - uh huh mama they are packing my trains. And so I say - hey how about I put your trains in the car with us? So they can be with us always? - and he lights up like a little firecracker and is all - oh! yes!

And now he checks the care all the time to make sure they are in there. In April it will be a full year of TRAINSTRAINSTRAINS and it shows no sign of stopping. I love it.

I have this problem with stress when things don't go my way. I really need to work on it, but am not quite sure how to let go. If something is on my schedule, I want it to happen on time. I guess it's a modern times conundrum and a common one at that.

Anyhow, today Niko and I got into a sort of argument. I was super amped to take him out on a sushi date at the mall and before having him pick out a brand new pair of shoes. We talked about it several times and he seemed stoked, too. (Backstory! I bought him shoes online and he refuses to wear them, but needs new shoes- so I thought that maybe if I got him to choose the shoes himself it would be all good.)

He was kind of a grumpy pants at sushi, which can be par for the course after he spends the day in daycare. I think he just gets tuckered out from being the best kid on the block at daycare! Anyone who watches my kid talks endlessly about how good and how chill he is and this is not quite the dude we see at home so I know that he's just saving his tears for the people he feels comfortable around. But he still seemed stoked to look at new shoes - so we went.

But once we were at the store he was a NO NEW DON'T LIKE IT monster. So we went for a walk and he was a NO WALK DON'T LIKE IT monster. I asked him if he wanted to go home and he was a NO GO HOME DON'T LIKE IT monster and he plopped himself down on the ground. I walked a few paces away from him and we had a staring standoff for 5 minutes while I took some deep breaths.

When I felt my NONE OF THIS IS PART OF MY PLAN rage subside, I walked over to him and sat down. I said - Niko. I'm feeling really frustrated. I was excited to try on new shoes and go for a walk. You are using your mean words and it makes me feel frustrated.

He touched my cheek and said very seriously - Happy, mama. Happy.

I said - You want mama to be happy?

He nodded yes and asked - Hug?

And really, who needs to spend money on new shoes when you can instead have a huge hug on the floor of the stupid yuppie mall?

Keep on hugging, y'all. It helps with scheduling conflicts and more.

Hello, Christmas!

I am feeling generally cheery and in a good place this holiday season, but I could really do without the uncontrollable coughs that seek to remove seemingly immobile phlegm inside my chest.

Truly, I don't think this cold would have walloped me so hard if I hadn't started out Monday's (disappointing) Prince concert with three shots of tequila. What was I thinking? Not sure I was thinking at all. It's easy for me to get quickly out of control when I'm with my VAIN ladies. Honest - I really haven't drank much of any liquor since getting pregnant. I'm a wine kind of girl, and usually quit after 2 glasses. If I'm at a crappy place and the wine tastes like sugar, I can't even pretend to finish the first glass. So tequila at a wood-paneled bar in Tacoma? Weird.

And fun, actually. That night was a lot of fun.

Since then, I have been busting my ass doing hair. And busting my ass with this sick toddler, who seems to have the same cold I have (I think I got it from his new-to-daycare self in the first place). Niko, as usual, has been sleeping something awful. But hello? SO BORING TO TALK ABOUT.

Mostly I'd like to talk about how he is the most adorable and awesome baby ever. Even at his worst, he cracks me up. He is obsessed with cheese right now because it's one of the few words he can say, so he's always hitting me up for some. Today he had some in his hand and was asking for more from the fridge. I told him to finish what he had and he turned on me! threw down his cheese! picked it up and threw it down again! and stomped on it repeatedly! Hard for me to show empathy when I'm laughing at him so hard.

Those tantrums are so far short lived and do dissolve when I make a show of empathy (which I did somehow manage today). Mostly he is awesome. His OK Cupid profile would read like this:

"I enjoy long walks in the Central District neighborhood while pushing my pink stroller (don't judge), songs with sign language, and dancing to modern music that sounds like it's sung by girls in the 1960s. I like to think of myself as cultural when it comes to food and will inhale anything you put in front of me that is Japanese, Italian, or Mexican. Books about the alphabet are ace with me right now, be they gothic and filled with ghosts (which my mother says "isn't seasonal"- but whatever) or written/illustrated by Dr. Seuss. I especially like to read from the vantage point of a lap. If you take something from me, I won't shout. I will, however, wait in a cunning and patient manner until you abandon my toy of interest before reclaiming what was rightfully mine. My attention span is probably longer than yours, so do not take my demands lightly. If you are sweet to me, I will give you the fattest face crushing cheek snuggles you will ever know."

Yeah, he's pretty great.

I've been meditating a whole lot on what Christmas should mean to us as a family, which means lots of memories from Christmas past have come up. Mostly, I remember raucous family meals and AWE INSPIRING first views of the tree on Christmas morning. Guys, I realize now as an adult that my parents did Christmas like no one else's parents I know. That morning was HUGE. The whole room would seem to be filled with presents, perfectly arranged around something like a new bike or, god, I don't know, a gorgeous baby doll perched on top of a mountain of gifts. Santa was BIG TIME in our house. I would go to the living room before sunrise and quiver with excitement.

The modern and adult me is all boo hoo about consumerism in this American society and blah blah blah - but the kid in me who got MAD MAD TOYS every Christmas is like OMG THAT WAS AWESOME. I think I can figure out how to balance the gift buying with the traditions- and frankly think my parents did a pretty good job with that as well (it was also all about family and our involvement in our church). I have to fully admit that I totally enjoyed spending money on Buster and Niko for Christmas day, and that I will be stoked to see gifts under the tree. I totally didn't go overboard, either. Some of the gifts are second-hand, most of them were on some sort of sale. And there are no where near what there were when I was a kid, but they should still make a little bit of an impression on Christmas morning.

On other Christmas tradition making fronts- we of course have an awesome tree but did not get lights hung outside (no outdoor plugs!!). At least I made wreaths a few weeks ago and hung some garland on our porch. I've also had mulled wine on hand for whoever is asking, candles everywhere, and I've been singing mad mad carols to Niko.

We are entertaining on Sunday. It'll be my first time doing so for the Christmas holiday, and I"m a little nervous. We aren't having many over, so my work is pretty light, but AGAIN, my family does this stuff UP like you wouldn't believe. For instance, my mother has a full and gigantic set of CHRISTMAS CHINA and entertains at least 30 people for dinner every year. She supplements the china with my grandmother's green depression glass for full Christmas effect. We always had a 10 foot tree in our house- and usually we went to a tree farm to choose it and cut it down as a family (so many delightful arguments and so much mulled cider!!). There are usually lit reindeers in the yard and there has never EVER not been lights on the house and a candle in every window. I have a lot to live up to! Having one kid now, I can say that I honestly and truly do not know how they found time to pull this stuff off.

In fact, HELLO TO PEOPLE WITHOUT CHILDREN! You have no idea of how much your parents love you or of the sacrifices they made to raise you. It's 24/7 crazy love/frustration/busy times when you have a kid, like you can't imagine. I am working on seriously developing my parent legs, and think I have come far in 2011. I have a lot more growing to do, but feel as if I have some time, and learn fast, so it'll be ok.

Gosh, I have so much more to say but am coughing my head off and have a migraine as a result. So I guess I'm off to bed.

Merry Christmas, friends! (Or whatever you want to call it!) It's dark out there and I hope we all feel the love through it all!

Was there something in the air? Last week was so heavy. It started with terrible horrible no good very bad news in the media, every day. I ranted about our fear of female sexuality, fear of culture that is in any way different from yours, abuse, politics, and I looked forward to the end of the week.

My friend's father died and I held my baby a little closer. I reminded my husband (who knows this already, of course) that the only thing truly important was family. He's burning himself out to make success and create security for our little pod of Bensons. I'm burning myself out to be the Best Possible Mom. But, really? Just being happy and joyful together is the most important thing. Enjoying each other is the most important thing in this temporary life.

Buster went on a business trip. I hung out with my wonderful friends in my cold living room. I took my baby for walks. Friday approached, and then the earth quakes happened. I worried about the family I have over there that I haven't yet had the chance to meet (so far they're ok, though I can't imagine that living without heat, electricity, or water in 25 degree weather is in any way simple to get through).

Saturday mostly went by without incident. Niko and I visited the aquarium with friends. Completely overstimulated (even after a 2.5 hour nap), he ate dinner like a toddler that night, willfully squishing sweet potato chunks between his fingers while giving me looks of DESTRUCTION. He screamed to catch my attention and willfully threw his bits of quesadilla on the floor. I was impatient, exhausted, waiting for the week to be over, waiting for my husband to come home and get into our bed.

When Buster finally came home, I was relieved. I served him beans, kale and rice and obsessed over the smell of his neck. We cuddled in bed - and then he told me the terrible news that we have lost a friend forever. I will never be able to understand the place such a beautiful, kind, and amazingly energetic soul could find itself that is so dark and so unforgiving that she would need to go. I will never look at balloons or birds on a wire again without thinking of watching her paint in her little LES apartment, seeing flaws that are beyond my eyes, fixing every imperfection to create a sense of whimsical, simple, beautiful, dream like, order. I am so sad that we are lacking one less truly lovely spirit in our midst.

I thank Goodness every day that I have such a lovely family to hold and to kiss. I thank goodness every day for the roof over our heads and the food for me to prepare in our lovely little kitchen. I thank Goodness every day for the walks that I take with my son, for the hour or so that I have alone with my husband in bed, for the 4 hours in the morning when we are all 3 cuddled like fuzzy sleep monsters into the futon in Niko's room. I thank Goodness every day for the friends popping by with jokes and wine. I thank Goodness for everything. I am so overwhelmed with how layered and beautiful this world is, so overwhelmed with how temporary it really is, and so grateful to still have my hope and happiness in tact.

I am also glad that it is a new week, guys. Because thanking Goodness every second of every day, glimpsing into these illuminating moments of profundity, feeling the whole weight and beauty of this world…. makes me really glad to just get to work on this old Tuesday, AKA... Laundry Day.

Though still far from any ideal, our sleep situation has dramatically improved over the past two weeks.

In my last report, I was planning a jump off a cliff. It was, as one of my mama cohorts has reported, the Guantanamo Bay of baby sleep. I was absolutely tortured. This resulted in a whole lot of 3am ANGER.

Things had to change.

Buster decided that he was going to send me out of the house for a few nights in a row some two weeks ago, so that Niko could be left to cry a little. A few months ago, I would have absolutely balked at this idea. For the record, I totally support anyone's decision to do the whole Cry It Out thing. I just haven't really thought it was for us. Turns out, a little crying was the best thing we could have done for our family at this point in time.

Niko was obviously not getting enough sleep. He was nursing all night and taking crap naps. I was getting far less sleep than he was, and poor Buster had to shoulder a whole bunch of emotional weight and keep us afloat for so long. Something had to crack, and we were damned if that something was to be a parent.

So! For two nights in a row I nursed Niko down and left the house until the midnight feeding. Buster took over. I don't want to get into how hard it's been during a few nights for him to hear Niko cry. We agreed that we should check on him every 3 minutes, 5 minutes, and eventually 10 minutes. He rarely cried for very long.

Buster and I agreed to tackle the rest of the night (midnight to 7am) gradually, later, when we have rooms. The important part was to get Niko down in his pack and play for the first part of the night. He's crawling around and pulling himself up so much that there is no way we felt safe leaving him in the loft in the bed. The pack and play is the only safe place for him to be alone right now. I honestly think that this whole endeavor was made harder by the fact that Niko can pull himself up now. He had JUST figured out how to do it and hadn't yet figured out how to sit back down. I rather wish we had done something a few weeks sooner.

Turns out that the whole sleep association thing is pretty true. After Niko figured out that he could sleep, sleep he did. Until about midnight, most nights, when I come and nurse him down into the pack n play again. He doesn't argue about sleep after the midnight nursing.

But we still had trouble. Niko can NOT sleep in bed with me at night any longer AT THIS POINT. He would still wake me every half hour from the moment I brought him into bed (he won't stay in the pack n play past 2 or 4 and we don't blame him! who would want to see us all toasty in the bed right next to him while he's in the baby box?). I hit a wall again about a week ago. While the free time between 8 and midnight was nice, I really wasn't getting any more sleep than I was before.

Finally, we agreed that I would nurse Niko at 12 and at 4, but that Buster would do all the co-sleeping and I would be ON THE COUCH. That first night, with the 4am feeding sandwiched in, we adult Bensons got 8 glorious hours of wonderful sleep.

I have been on the couch ever since, with similar success. Niko still wakes up very often after 4, but his dad gets him calmed down pretty quickly into sleep. Last night, with an aching back, I decided to creep into bed around 4:30. Niko was still in the pack and play after his 4am feeding (he went down so easy after that feeding, which is really unusual). Turns out that that was a BAD IDEA. When Niko ultimately woke up and we brought him to bed, he was really really ANGRY when I wouldn't feed him. If I'm even within eye shot during the night, I'm expected to pony up the boobs. He will absolutely refuse to go to sleep if I don't nurse him down if he sees me. If it's his father, no probs. He knows that the papa doesn't have boobs and is good for a cuddle.

I miss my bed. My back is killing me. I miss cuddling my son all night long. I miss spooning with my husband. But, dudes, I do not miss nursing on demand every half hour. I wish the situation could be different, but right now that's where it all stands! I am a much MUCH better mother this week than I have been in AGES. I get so much done that one would think I were snorting ritalin. Niko gets play groups. Niko gets more walks. Niko gets all of my attention and my attention is HAPPY.

Also, out of the blue this week, Niko has decided that I don't need to nap WITH him in order for him to nap. I think that this is due in large part to the fact that he is getting more sleep at night and isn't so overstimulated during the day. His daytime napping has improved so much with our new sleep situations.

Fuck yeah! But oh shit I might be screwed when Buster goes out of town on business in two weeks…. hmmmmm…..

***

In other, related news!

WE ARE MOVING!!!!!!! We have an beautiful apartment WITH ROOMS waiting for us on First Hill! It is 1100 sq feet of gorgeous amazingness with the original oak floors from 1910, a formal dining room, a cute kitchen, a large living room, 2 BEDROOMS, 2 bathrooms, window boxes, and a terrific land lord. This place has proximity to many bus lines, all my mom friends on Capital Hill, and all my other friends on Capital Hill. You wouldn't believe the price if I told you (that price does come with a hitch, but maybe more on that later).

WE ALSO HAVE A RENTER FOR THE LOFT!!! WHO IS INTERESTED IN BUYING (contingent on the sale of his house in the burbs, so who knows what that means)!!! SO WE ARE NOT GOING TO GO INTO FANTASTICAL DEBT (we don't think) DOING THIS!!!

Things are looking up, dear friends! Seattle is a little cold right now but about to have FAKE SPRING! If you don't live here, you should know that that means bulbs budding! Flowers flowering! Temperate air flowing! All in February. It is one of my favorite fake Seattle seasons, right up there with FAKE SUMMER, which happens in May.

Fake teaser seasons. Oh, Seattle! You are a funny place. I kind of love you. Which is passive aggressive PNW way of saying that we belong. In an awkward way. A little. You're sort of awesome.

The state of Niko is a pretty good one, lately. Except for sleep, really, which I am thinking of as a long term project.

( I only have a few minutes, but wanted to jot a few developmental things down. )

( Our sleep is still poor. )

If you've written me about anything and I have not responded, please know that it's because I just don't have a whole lot of energy right now. I am massively behind on all things internet-related, even email, and will probably never catch up.

I am currently reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution and am hoping to make some improvements with which to start 2011. I also bought the Ferber book out of curiosity and desperation, but don't think that crying will work for us.

Anyhow. He's a great baby, but a high maintenance nighttime kid. He loves his parents. I DO think that the co-sleeping is making for a sweet guy. He is never clingy during the day. We take him out all the time and he loves EVERYONE. He cuddles with anyone who holds him! He will also play for a long time on his own while I get stuff done. He is obviously very confident of his support system and I love that! He is so much fun during the day that I am thankful hour after hour. He seriously cracks us up, all the time. He's really wonderful.

Let's talk about something else...

Things Niko is doing:

*Rolling from one end of the room to the other.
*Push-Sliding backwards on the wood floors.
*Loving blocks
*Super responding to my request to "Jump Jump!" and always thinking that's hilarious.
*Trying to get up on his knees
* Constantly trying to hang upside down, which makes for hilarious walks in the Ergo. He's always cracking up tourists who walk behind me in the market by trying to flirt with them while hanging backwards from his carrier.
* Flirting with EVERYONE. He has a secret life that he spends charming everyone around me while I carry on a conversation. Every time we're at a restaurant, tables around us are randomly exploding with laughter.
* Loving when we make him dance, which looks hilarious... especially since he has a HUGE booty (size 5 diapers, WOAH).
* KISSING MY FACE constantly with his sweet open mouth. This is my favorite.

I think that crawling will still take some time, since he is SO big and still such a thinker.

Niko seems to be getting better at lying down for naps, which is an terrific relief. Buster is really good at standing and rocking him to sleep, but he's just too heavy for me to do the same with. I tend to nurse him down for naps while we lay together, which is really nice, anyhow, especially because I know that our days lying down together and nursing to nap are limited. Anyhow, today, I rocked him and nursed him when we were interrupted by the diaper service at our door. I quickly put him into his pack and play (where he sleeps when he's not laying with us in bed) and expected him to fuss the moment I left him... but he went to sleep instead. Good job, little dude!

I meant to write in my Niko News a few days ago that he responded to a request that I've been pestering him with for a week now. He's been figuring out how to use his fingers and his nails, and loves to grab and scratch rhythmically. I've been imploring him to "be gentle with mama" while he nurses or touches my face. I show him how to be more gentle by moving his hands for him. The day before yesterday, he totally changed the way his hand was grabbing and stroked me with his fingers when I asked him to be gentle. It was so sweet and wonderful!

Today I gave him a teething biscuit for the first time. I quickly realized that he's far too little for a biscuit, but not before he figured out that he LOVES how they taste. So I took it away and put it into his mesh feeder. He gnawed on that thing for a half-hour while I sang to him and did the dishes. It was hilarious.

Now that I am back to work for three days a week, these domestic housewife days have become precious. Especially when they include afternoons with awesome mom friends and their own incredible babies. Work, too, is precious. I love being at Vain. My favorite clients are all back and I am a busy bee! I feel as if everything is in perfect balance these days, and I am so thankful.

Now, to finish dinner prep while he naps, then get ready to whisk him off to child care at the gym so I can get in a blissfully alone yoga practice. I do much better as a mother and a wife if I have a regular yoga practice! I seriously need to meditate on some specifics of being a better person at least twice a week, while stretching. If I don't do this, I feel broken in spirit and WAY broken in the back. Weight training makes me super hot, but yoga makes me super lovely and puts space between my bones. I like the balance between the two, too. Strength of body and spirit so I can get everything done with grace... while looking hot. Word.

All that said, thank goodness for cheap child care at the gym. It's so awesome to just drop him there for an hour and a half and not have to worry about it. Totally worth the membership.