Elusive Sleep
Nov. 20th, 2010 02:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kellianneI nursed Niko down for a nap for the second time today. I did it yesterday, too.
I did it because, after a few days of trying to let him fall asleep on his own, he just looked depressed. I felt depressed. Buster, I'm sure, felt a little depressed. And things weren't getting any better. So maybe sleep training just isn't right for us, at least right now.
I feel like sleep training is something for families who have kids who have rooms. Houses. With. Rooms. Not one big loft, where cries echo and break your heart into a million pieces. And even then, if we had a house, could I guarantee that Niko wouldn't look lonely and sad after an afternoon of crying himself into every nap? Probably not. I think he's just the kind of kid who is extra loving, and needs some extra attention.
I'm exhausted. I'm getting horrible sleep. If Niko wakes up 4 times a night to nurse, that's a *good* night. But I was doing ok with his "good" nights before I got sick. I really was. It's only been since I got this terrible cold that I have had a hard time overcoming, well, everything. Very slowly, I am on the mend. Very slowly, my patience is rebounding. Very slowly, I feel like maybe it's not Niko that needs to change so much as maybe it's ME who needs to change.
Reading mommy boards, it really bothers me that people seem to think that crying babies are trying to manipulate their way back into your bed. How can a baby manipulate anyone? Babies are their essential selves. They speak directly of their needs. A baby crying? He's saying, "I feel alone and scared." I can't have Niko feeling that way. Especially not when he can see me, right there, in the bed next to him.
Now that I've nursed him down for a nap? He's been sleeping for a solid hour and a half. He just doesn't get sleep like that when he falls asleep on his own. His head gets so wound up that he gets rattled. Last night, after I nursed him down to sleep, he woke after 3 hours (typically the moment I started to fall asleep) from a pretty serious nightmare. I couldn't let him cry it out after that. I want him to feel safe and warm.
I haven't given up totally on having him out of our bed for a while every night. I'm working on creating a better sleep environment for him in that goddamn pack n play. I might even make it into a tent with some softy glowing lights. I do need some alone time with my husband at night. And damn if a queen sized bed isn't too small for three people. But I am giving up on this whole idea that I'm doing something wrong if my child doesn't sleep for more than a three hour stretch.
I have a very nice baby. He's sweet, cuddly, and happy. He has a beautiful attitude and loves being passed around my beauty salon like a loaf of bread. He loves his mum and his pop and his cat. He loves his wooden cart and blocks. And he loves being nursed down to sleep, over and over, every night. Life isn't so bad.
I did it because, after a few days of trying to let him fall asleep on his own, he just looked depressed. I felt depressed. Buster, I'm sure, felt a little depressed. And things weren't getting any better. So maybe sleep training just isn't right for us, at least right now.
I feel like sleep training is something for families who have kids who have rooms. Houses. With. Rooms. Not one big loft, where cries echo and break your heart into a million pieces. And even then, if we had a house, could I guarantee that Niko wouldn't look lonely and sad after an afternoon of crying himself into every nap? Probably not. I think he's just the kind of kid who is extra loving, and needs some extra attention.
I'm exhausted. I'm getting horrible sleep. If Niko wakes up 4 times a night to nurse, that's a *good* night. But I was doing ok with his "good" nights before I got sick. I really was. It's only been since I got this terrible cold that I have had a hard time overcoming, well, everything. Very slowly, I am on the mend. Very slowly, my patience is rebounding. Very slowly, I feel like maybe it's not Niko that needs to change so much as maybe it's ME who needs to change.
Reading mommy boards, it really bothers me that people seem to think that crying babies are trying to manipulate their way back into your bed. How can a baby manipulate anyone? Babies are their essential selves. They speak directly of their needs. A baby crying? He's saying, "I feel alone and scared." I can't have Niko feeling that way. Especially not when he can see me, right there, in the bed next to him.
Now that I've nursed him down for a nap? He's been sleeping for a solid hour and a half. He just doesn't get sleep like that when he falls asleep on his own. His head gets so wound up that he gets rattled. Last night, after I nursed him down to sleep, he woke after 3 hours (typically the moment I started to fall asleep) from a pretty serious nightmare. I couldn't let him cry it out after that. I want him to feel safe and warm.
I haven't given up totally on having him out of our bed for a while every night. I'm working on creating a better sleep environment for him in that goddamn pack n play. I might even make it into a tent with some softy glowing lights. I do need some alone time with my husband at night. And damn if a queen sized bed isn't too small for three people. But I am giving up on this whole idea that I'm doing something wrong if my child doesn't sleep for more than a three hour stretch.
I have a very nice baby. He's sweet, cuddly, and happy. He has a beautiful attitude and loves being passed around my beauty salon like a loaf of bread. He loves his mum and his pop and his cat. He loves his wooden cart and blocks. And he loves being nursed down to sleep, over and over, every night. Life isn't so bad.
