The usual location waffling...

[kellianne]

Vacation went well! We hit something like 5 cities in 5 days, which felt rushed, but it was awesome to see everyone! I definitely didn't get enough face time with some key people, but at least I got SOME face time.

As usual, my trip back east made me face tough questions about futuretimes and where to live. I am still, after FOUR years, constantly weighing Seattle v/s anywhere on the East Coast. East Coast is all about the all important FAMILY, a few key BFFs, and (for the love of god) being thisclose to so many other cities. Seattle is all about food, fresh air, a few key BFFs, and absolutely gorgeous topography.

I feel like I'll never figure it out. The scales can gently tip either way, depending on how I feel. I definitely feel more completely at home on the East Coast, and think I always will. I still bristle at politics and culture in Seattle. I just don't understand why people use so many words to accomplish so little over here. And... yet... my quality of life over here is really great. We can afford the things I want to be able to afford. We can balance between my urban and country ideals.

And the food! Food is SUCH a huge issue for me anymore. It's just so much harder to eat well on the East Coast. I get looks when I specifically ask if there is any dairy or soy in anything. My own family can't get a handle on my dietary requirments. THUS, I just ran to the bathroom in an effort to clean more East Coast funk out of my intestines. I don't know why it's so hard for people to understand the concept of processed foods v/s real foods. How hard is it to understand that if it comes in a box, with a label, it is processed? Apparently too hard. My mother is aghast that something as simple as a saltine has soy in it. And probably hydrogenated oils. Not to mention the white flour. I LOVE how I can be in Seattle and everyone seems to just get it. The food in Seattle is REAL.

But, all that said, and I still love bringing my son to a party with 50 people visiting who are there because he is family. Without having ever met him, they love him unconditionally. There is no substitute for that. There is no substitute for the clamor of cousins and the cooing of great grandmothers. There is an urban family here in Seattle, and they are great, but they aren't the people who watched me grow, who named their boat after me, who gave me my set of morals.

The truth is that Seattle is a perfect city except for the fact that I have no roots here. It is the perfect city except for the fact that it is not on the East Coast, essentially. I don't know how to qualify all of that in my head. There is no city out there that is all-around perfect, without exception. New York is too expensive and filled with bedbugs. Philadelphia is not a tech center. Boston is, frankly, boring as all give out. Baltimore is too filled with crime. DC is not a tech center. Richmond is not a tech center. San Francisco is filled with crime and too expensive. There is no WIN ringing in my ears when I think of where to settle my family.

And, you know, I also feel as if this whole big decision is ON ME. Buster has been saying for years, "Just let me know when you make a definite decision and we'll move!" and that's very nice and all, but it would be nice if he had a strong opinion that would sway me.

His only strong opinion is that we could definitely go back to New York.... but in order for that to happen he would have to show me a whole lot of money that we don't have. New York is super fabulous to people who don't have the prospective of living outside of New York. I am just not masochistic enough to handle it without a great deal of money any more. Plus, I honestly don't think that my urban family roots are as strong in New York. I can't imagine any of my NYC friends taking a break from their ridiculous work schedules to help fill in child care. Seattle is just so much more family oriented than New York. In New York, you need an expensive nanny or you need family- and family will be 2 hours away.

Anyway. Whatever. Waffling and waffling and you've all heard this story before! And it's so natural for me to think about it all even more as I approach my 3 year anniversary in Seattle. Three years in a city is about how long it takes before I start to itch and wonder if I'm doing the right thing in the right place.

Comments

[octavekitten.livejournal.com]

I have had a similar conversation with myself many times, minus the raising a child and being family oriented. it's a common topic of discussion when I go home for the holidays because i am the only person in my family west of the mississippi. I can honestly say that i love seattle the best out of everywhere I lived for many of the reasons that you have listed. will I ever feel like I have roots here? maybe not... but you should perhaps feel like you are making your roots here. you are creating your family here, and that has to count for something.

i don't think i could ever live in NYC as much as i love it... it is way wayyyy too expensive. and i would love sf but it's also so expensive, and CA state taxes are fucking evil. i feel like seattle has a really great balance of the things that i love (minus the family), but you have to make sacrifices no matter where you live.

hopefully you figure it out or at least become a bit more comfortable with the options and/or staying here.

[kellianne.livejournal.com]

I keep thinking about one of my Japanese friends in NYC telling me that, every year, she feels further and further away from her family. She's been in New York for so long that Japan no longer feels home, at all. Of course I could stay and grow roots here... but in a decade plus- how will I feel connected to my people? And who will take care of my parents?

It's so true that CA state taxes are evil. Yet another reason to stay away!

[fisticuffs.livejournal.com]

I went back and forth for my first several years i lived here. Every visit home made me both love and hate both coasts.

I'd love to move back to NYC under the same conditions you would, but I think it would be so much different with a child. I'd be 60 miles from my family, but that's still a trek just to get out of the city.

I miss my family, but I'm very lucky to have Josh's family out here. They don't have the full on east coast aunts/uncles/cousins craziness going on, but I do still love having them so close. It's especially nice now that we're having this kid. The longer I stay, the deeper my roots grow.

[kellianne.livejournal.com]

If we had *any* family here, I'd be more comfortable. Seriously, I am about to leave my kid with a few people for 6 whole hours. And the fact that they aren't related makes me sprout hives. Or, well, leaving my kid with one person in particular makes me nervous... and that person will be with him for the bulk of the time.

Grandmas are golden.

[ricecricket.livejournal.com]

I know the southern east coast is a little different than the northern east coast, but the food thing applies. Anytime I go home now, within a few meals I'm in some gut wrenching pain.

You has a baby!

[pangaea.livejournal.com]

CONGRATULATIONS!

I've been so out of it for so long, so this is superbly belated!

And, in other news, Sydney was/is in Seattle interviewing for a job, so I ma having to evaluate the possibility that I might have to move to Seattle (if/when all goes well). So this post was opportune. :)

Amanda here

[(Anonymous)]

food for thought in favor of nyc from a totally biased person: have you considered brooklyn? specifically, my nabe Park Slope -- or nearbys fort greene, carroll gardens, boerum hill -- all cheaper than manhattan (although admittedly, not cheap), and SUPER DUPER family friendly. plus if you were close by i would take time out to babysit!

[billetdoux.livejournal.com]

I can't believe I am coming off as a New York defender here, but I take issue with this: "New York is super fabulous to people who don't have the prospective of living outside of New York." New York's charms are manifest and unique, whether you've lived somewhere else or not. However, they come with a cost. You give things up to gain them.