kellianne: (2009)
kellianne ([personal profile] kellianne) wrote2013-08-20 08:40 pm
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My son. I have so very much to say right now but really just feel like talking about my lovely son.

Waiting for a monorail. Being handsome in the east coast heat.

I'll put it behind a cut. It is long and meandering!



He's been developing by leaps and bounds. We left him for 4 days last weed and I couldn't believe the difference in his sentence structure when we returned. A 3 year old's brain explosions are pretty incredible. I also feel as if we must be speaking in nice ways around him, because his intonation and politeness are often through the roof in hilarious sweetness.

It's been somewhat of a challenge getting him to rein the whine in this year, but he seems to be slowly learning all about how kindness and cuteness wins. I often tell him that he is more likely to win my favor if he asks me in a polite way OR a funny way. His hybrid has therefore ended up being often politely funny, which rocks. He's also picking up a ton of idiosyncrasies that are, I suppose, from the way Buster and I speak. "I'm good with that." or "I'm not cool with that." often comes up. I love it. I also feel like there are a million more little things that he says that I just can't recall right now, so close to bedtime after a long day at an amusement park with my parents. I need to try harder to write things down!!

The thing with getting him to rein in the wine is that WOW, he is really stubborn. I went out to dinner with one of his preschool teachers a few weeks ago. It was after a particularly challenging day with him, during which I actively tried to not fight with him and ended up sobbing in front of him in pure frustration, which is a really unusual occurrence, and I guess what happens when someone fights with me for hours and I try really really really hard to be nice in return. Outburst! What an awful day that was. Anyhow, his teacher told me that he is the most stubborn 3 year old she's ever encountered... and it just made me feel so much better. I guess I had been attributing it to some failing of our parenting, which of course could always use some improvement - especially since we've only had a parenting practice for just over 3 years now. Poor kiddo is a big fat experiment of random books we read and our levels of patience on any given day.

The stubbornness. The STUBBORNNESS. I honestly can. not. get. him. to. do. anything. he. does. not. want. to. do. without a fight. It's insane. If he realizes that it's something he simply must do (stupid things... putting on shoes, going to the bathroom, and on and on), he will move as slowly as possible. Oh my god, so slowly. His will is so strong. It's going to be his best friend and his worst enemy. Sometimes he goes through weeks where anything that is not his idea is a horrible idea, which is a real bummer when I'm trying to get anything done. Even fun things, like going to the park when it's his idea to play trains for another 3 hours.

Trains. TRAINS. trains. THE TRAINS. Everything in our lives has been trains for 2 years and 3 months and there is no sigh of abatement. It's unbelievable, the focus on trains. I had a very lucky 2.5 weeks when the front yard house was rented out (airbnb) to a family from Belfast that had a 4 year old who loved trains as much as Niko did. Those boys played for hours. It was magical. It made me want to adopt a young boy to just have a train playmate for this kid... until dinner or nap time came around and sharing issues started. Then I was just stoked there was another mom there to reel kid #2 back to a different house.

Potty training has been a serious issue for the past several weeks. I don't even want to talk about it. I guess it's funny that he pinches his butt cheeks together with his hands and tells me things like "I will hold it in, mama! Don't worry! I won't poop on your rug!" But while it can be funny, it really drives me nuts. It brings out angry mommy and I hate it when that bitch comes out. I wish this phase were over. I'm tired of trying to teach this small person that shitting in your pants is a party foul! He was doing so well with this so early and I think it all ties back into his stubbornness and needing to feel in control of something. I haven't figured out the magical way of getting through this one yet, but I will, I'm sure. Someday.

Bike riding is a dream. He likes to wear the super cape that Samantha made for him while coasting on his balance bike, so that he can pretend he is flying. His balance is so spot on that I am going to buy a bike for him for his half birthday - which kind of worries me that he'll start to think that a half birthday is a THING when it really is not - but he's so ready for a 2 wheel pedal bike now! I'm excited to get him started on this bike. I want him to be able to do 40 miles with me when he is 5. I'm saying this out loud here because to write it is to will it!! My kid will be a bike tour kid and it'll be awesome!!!

Swimming has not been a dream. He has never liked the water, ever. I'm hoping to take him to a pool in the east coast heat while we are here on vacation so that he'll get a dose of what it's like to have fun getting wet, but I don't have big hopes. We tried swimming lessons for 6 months or so and it just made the whole family miserable ever stinking Saturday. So not worth it.

And .... Nursing. This has been really complicated for me. I have loved nursing this kid! It's been a wonderful time of bonding for us for over three years now. I have felt pretty strongly that we don't need to stop until he is ready to stop until recently. But, recently, his nipple tweaking has been frankly out of control. "I'm not pinching your nipples, mama, I'm just trying to make them BIGGER." is a constant argument heard in our house. And begging to nurse at random times in this awful whine. And fishing down my shirt in the middle of a restaurant or wherever. It was all a bit out of control. I was feeling like he needed a little more division between our bodies to begin to understand the meaning of personal space. Plus his preschool teacher was strongly recommending that I stop. Which doesn't matter, really, I guess. Honestly, it was hard advice for me to listen to because, while she is an excellent teacher, she isn't a mother. And even if she were, the number of mothers I know who have nursed after 2 are very very few and mostly very judgmental about something they know nothing about. Nursing for some of us is an amazing, beautiful experience of bonding and comforting. I have never had a problem sharing my body with my kid. It was just time, I guess. One of my breasts wasn't even producing anymore, and Niko still wanted to nurse from "the broken one." (!!) Lots of times, it was starting to hurt. There was hardly any milk left in the one that wasn't "broken". It was just time, I guess. So when we went to NYC for Rick's wedding, I decided that I wasn't going to express at all during the 4 days I was away... the night before we left, I cried the whole time I nursed him to bed. It made me so sad to think of it as the last time and I was so worried that I was making a huge mistake.

When we came back, Niko was so happy to see us and of course asked to nurse at bedtime. I told him that I didn't have any milk left and that we would still rock, read, and sing at bedtime. He was a little resistant ("I still like to nurse, mama, even without milk!"), but seemed to really understand that it wasn't going to happen. When I sang to him that night, he sang with me. It was adorable and moving. I didn't even know that he knew this lullaby (the one he sang is Catch by The Cure) by heart. After that, he's asked a few more times, but the last time he asked out of habit, he caught himself and switched his request to "I want you to sing to me." So the not nursing transition has been pretty easy. There haven't yet been any of the tantrums I was expecting. Maybe we will not have them at all. I will miss nursing. It's been comforting to both of us for so long. I honestly don't know how new mothers can get on without the oxytocin. It made me forgive and forget so many difficult moments and get lost in the magic of motherhood over and over again. I am so grateful that we had almost 3.5 years.

That is all for now. I need sleeps.

[identity profile] the-4pril.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 05:41 am (UTC)(link)
This was a sweet read.

I think a gift like a bike would be such an amazing 'just because' present. Or a 'you've reached the next level' present.

[identity profile] kellianne.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 02:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, after I wrote that yesterday - I had the same thought. I think I'll just get one and surprise him one day!

[identity profile] the-4pril.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 05:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Eeee! I can't wait to see/hear about his reaction!

[identity profile] olamina.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 11:33 am (UTC)(link)
Beautiful child with lots of personality. An ongoing exercise in humility. I LOVE how smooth your transition to not nursing went. So touching.

I am into my seventh month of nursing and when I think about stopping I get sad. I'm just going to follow H's lead. Pumping at work is the sucky part for me. I pretty much love the rest of it. Yesterday our pediatrician told me to cut out some nursing sessions but I think that was based on opinion rather than medical necesssity so I'm just gonna ignore that for now. The kid is healthy and a good sleeper. If it ain't broke...

[identity profile] kellianne.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 02:15 pm (UTC)(link)
I would just ignore whatever the pediatrician says about it. Honestly, there are so many weird opinions out there about nursing, especially here in the states, and I'm pretty certain that everyone is just different. Niko and I nursed all the sessions until it became obvious that certain ones weren't working (and it was VERY OBVIOUS). My ped was a naturopath, so she was all about just letting us find our way, and it was all just fine, just like she said it would be. (She wasn't all woo-woo, either. She strongly encouraged CIO at 7 or 8 months, which didn't work for us, but let me know that whatever we did would be just fine.)

As for pumping at work, I stopped that completely when he was about a year old and eating lots of food. I was making a whole lot less milk and it seemed silly to pump for an ounce or two. I was only away from him for 3 or 4 days a week and the rest of the time seemed to be enough to keep some flow going. That said, he was still night nursing a lot to keep my supply up.

Pumping at work is so stressful. I'd hit the ground running for my lunch break and eat while pumping. I never really had the chance to decompress and if I ran over with my work a little bit before pumping, I'd be freaking out because my appointments were so set in stone. Ugh. Not pleasant memories. New moms never ever ever get even a 5 minute break.

[identity profile] olamina.livejournal.com 2013-08-22 10:50 pm (UTC)(link)
No breaks...though I can sometimes sneak in a bath.

I am pumping on the floor of the ADA bathroom these days so I can't do anything while I pump but read a magazine or my phone. I have complained and everyone is just shoulder shrugging. So humiliating. If I have another kid I may take a sabbatical.

[identity profile] kellianne.livejournal.com 2013-08-22 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
On the bathroom floor?!? That's insane! By law, they need to supply a private place for pumping! Egads! Humiliating and dirty! Boo.

[identity profile] olamina.livejournal.com 2013-08-23 12:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Actually that law is just for companies with 50+ employees sadly.

[identity profile] welfaremom.livejournal.com 2013-08-23 03:59 pm (UTC)(link)
America is so brutal to families. That's so fucking sad.

[identity profile] arielmeadow.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 03:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I need to try harder to write things down!!

YES YOU DO. More writing! More posts!! MORE NIKOTIMES! I miss both of you.

[identity profile] alyssa-corinne.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 05:16 pm (UTC)(link)
So nice to read this. I found myself nodding along with many of the things you say (hello, stubborn!). I'm glad you had a sweet end to your nursing relationship.

[identity profile] bing-crosby.livejournal.com 2013-08-21 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)
sweet words here! you are such a caring mom. My nephew is SUPER stubborn, a lot sounds familiar here - doing things really slowly, being focused on his own interests with no option for others. He's 6 now - still very strong willed, but I do think school has helped him, just having more adult input than just his parents. I also think with somewhat more difficult kids, they are also better sometimes at talking out their feelings, because they have been talked to so many times! But I don't know, that might be a random observation from a non parent. Anyway, such a cutie.

[identity profile] scythrop.livejournal.com 2013-08-22 04:56 am (UTC)(link)
It seems like an informed (and accurate) observation from a loving and deeply-invested "non parent" to me.

[identity profile] idealforcolors.livejournal.com 2013-08-22 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
oh wow he's so big! that picture makes him look so grown up!

reading your posts just makes me excited about having kids. just the sense of how much circulation of love there is.

[identity profile] billyfleetwood.livejournal.com 2013-08-22 03:47 am (UTC)(link)
Nice seeing you guys the other day!

My youngest sister was also the most stubborn 3 year old ever...and 4 year old and 12 year old...and 25 year old...It was a challenge for sure (we're 13 years apart, so I got to experience it from the vantage point of being in charge of things like mealtime, bedtime. bathtime, etc.) But it also allowed me to see how much our personalities are just there from the beginning. I love my parents for always just letting us be who we are from the get-go. Which isn't to say there weren't epic battles growing up. But there were never any tricks, time-outs, groundings, bribes or threats that ever made a difference.

As an adult my sister's stubbornness is still there, but it's her superpower. When she says no...forget about it, there's no negotiating. But when she says yes, she's the most reliable person on the planet. She's the only one of us kids who figured out how to save money, and owned her own house before she graduated college. And now she's a nurse and delivers babies and is amazing.

And she's about to have her first child, and I'm praying she gets one as stubborn as she is.

[identity profile] savia.livejournal.com 2013-08-22 07:45 am (UTC)(link)
If I had that kid, I'd probably just want to write about him all day, too.

[identity profile] thesaturdaygirl.livejournal.com 2013-08-22 01:16 pm (UTC)(link)
I loved reading this.

And the stubborn. We has it. Is it a Taurus thing?! ;) Illy's new thing is just plopping down and stonewalling whatever it was we were trying to do when he's unhappy about something. He just turns into a little jaw-locked LUMP. OMG.

[identity profile] boobirdsfly.livejournal.com 2013-08-23 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
Wow.
I have tears reading this. So brave of you and what an amazing accomplishment to nurse for that long!!
My nursing experience is what prevented me from feeling like a complete failure after a horrible labor and delivery. I don't enjoy so much pumping every day but like you, I want to nurse as long as I can and as long as it serves and works for both of us.
So much letting go in this parenting thing....
It's so wonderful and so so hard.

[identity profile] pondbluebird.livejournal.com 2013-08-24 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I loved reading this. Caden turned 3 in July. I have a newborn now too which is CRAZY! Anyway, sending love!