kellianne: (2009)
[personal profile] kellianne
Do y'all ever get a feeling of utter disconnection when something VERY BIG is about to change in your life, or is it just me?

It's like when you're engaged to be married, or in your 3rd trimester of pregnancy and everyone you see, even co-workers that you see several times a week, asks "OMG ARE YOU GETTING EXCITED????" every time they see you. And, if you're me, you're like, "Ummm...? Sure." Because it doesn't feel real that your life is about to change like crazy. Because you can't KNOW the UNKNOWN and wrap your little brain around all that change... so what is there to be excited about? When you are baffled?

I said to Buster the other day (in THERAPY), "I can't wait to move to San Francisco so you can stop telling me that I don't know anything about San Francisco!" Because, really, he is there once a week for days AND grew up in the (baffling) OC. He knows so much more of what we are about to get into than I do. All I can ascertain about this area of California (which I have never been able to spell without spell check) is the following:

- People REALLY like their cars there
- It is wicked expensive
+ Their food scene is the basis upon which all good, modern American cuisine sits
+ Big ass succulents
+ They sure do love their disco bleeps and bloops
+ Houses are mad colorful
+ Wine is mad good
- They like Green Day in Oakland
- Hippies
- Dirty bums who shit in the street
+ Produce is cheap and amazing
- Everybody talks tech 24/7 (groan)
+/- Most of the girls have long hair (which makes bread and butter cuts hella easy for me)
+/- According to recent reports from the street scene, hairdressers there are not hip in veggie dye applications. This means $$ for me. Even though I kind of hate veggie dye applications.

And that's really it. Did you notice emphasis I put on the sun? You guys, it is so fucking extra dark in Seattle right now, and so rainy. I am stoked to go east on Saturday. I don't care if it's cold as balls (which, hi global warming, it is not) so long as it is bright. I hate hate hate HATE this weather. It makes me stupidly grumpy. I'm tired of my feet always being cold and I am becoming convinced that those swollen lymph nodes on the back of Niko's head will become magically un-swollen in a drier climate. Speaking of Niko- I think he has his first little cold sore. Bully to me for giving him the herp.

Anyhow. Today I am making the house amazing and clean for our house sitter because we will be gone for about 3 weeks to holiday back East. And Rick is bothering me to come to NYC. Which is so weird to talk about because for some reason going to NYC makes me feel tense. I think it's because I envision an urbanite visit where lots of money I don't have (as of Friday I am FUNemployed) is spent on lots of fancy food and drinks. All I want to do is hang out in kitchens and socialize with people in yoga pants while little cherubs drool on my ankles. NYC. You have been lost on me these days. I will definitely be in DC though, because people hang out in houses there. And Baltimore. And Philly. And Richmond. NYC!!!? My beloved? Am I giving you the shaft? Why is the thought of you stressing me out? Am I afraid you will lure me into spending my last $60 on socks?

What else? I feel like there is so much. I should really write about how Niko is saying all sorts of magical things these days. Like how when I lose my temper and scold him, he asks me when my flare subsides, "Are you happy now, mama? I want you be happy." Or, when he is hyper (which isn't often because he is way more in his mind than in his body), he says, "I FEEL RUNNY!!" About how his new best friend at preschool is a kid he has known since birth (the kids mama and I became friends in birth class). This kid was the bully for the first year they were in school together, and is totally in his body with hyper activity. But now they are in dude love! and teachers tell me that they are ones to watch like a comedy team. Niko is the brains of the operation and comes up with the wicked ideas, and Ellis carries them all out. Hilarious!

Also, it has been so difficult to say goodbye to all my clients at VAIN. All these amazing, intelligent people who have helped shape my understanding of life experiences over the past 5 years. All these clients who trust me, who I don't need to filter myself or audition for any longer. That is extremely hard to leave, you guys. Double booked work weeks and a full time paycheck for only 3 days of work is also hard to leave. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY CAREER FOR MY MARRIAGE????? So much restarting in a business that does not take kindly to restarting. Oi.

Date: 2012-12-20 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I've uprooted my life a few times and I totally know what you mean about the disconnected feeling. I think it's kind of a natural progression to help everyone deal with it in their own way.

Date: 2012-12-20 07:27 pm (UTC)
silverfae9: (Default)
From: [personal profile] silverfae9
I get that disconnected feeling about most things. Vacations, big changes, large purchases. It's like my brain can't really believe something until it's happening.

Date: 2012-12-20 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I dunno. My experience of NYC is 98.9% hanging out in kitchens and socializing with people in yoga pants. You could come do that with me! :D

Date: 2012-12-20 07:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, dear friend. I'm so excited for all of this for you, I think it's going to be great. And, I cannot wait to visit you in SF and hear Niko's new words and see your new hair and try Buster's crazy new improvement idea. I think you're so brave for moving around to all of these big cities. As much as I like to think I'm very adaptable, moving to a different state makes me feel a little anxious.

Date: 2012-12-20 08:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
you're amazing, and i get the whole other people being more 'excited' for you than you are actually excited yourself thing. for me, i'm often just thinking about logistics and planning so that everything goes smoothly, and it's not until i'm actually in that moment of doing the actual thing that i get excited or whatever.

anyway, when you move here and are looking for new clients and stuff, i will be happy to put the word out for you. and not everybody talks tech around here all the time, many of my friends these days are arty/brainy/theatre/scholar types who use computers because they have to, and while they are often married to we geeks (see my husband, who is married to me), the conversation when we're all in the room together is rarely about tech stuff. even when it's mostly geeks in the room. unless you mainly know people who only geek out over tech stuff together, then you're out of luck. but most people here are into their hobbies and interests outside of work, and want to leave work at work, so it's easy to get people talking about stuff other than gadgets and code and electronic toys.

Date: 2012-12-20 08:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, and today it is **cold** but sunny here in Alameda. Not a cloud in the blue, blue sky.

Date: 2012-12-20 10:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I am so excited for you guys! I'm sorry we haven't connected more but I have enjoyed watching niko grow up in photos and anecdotes. Hopefully we can catch up in San Fran as Tom and I are huge fans!!! I wish you guys the best of everything in ca! You'll have a marvelous time I know! But yeah I hear you in the disconnection before big events: I'm always like that. I feel as though its part of conservation in some way. I'm conserving my energy for the actual event.

Date: 2012-12-21 12:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Do y'all ever get a feeling of utter disconnection when something VERY BIG is about to change in your life, or is it just me?
Yes. We moved to London in October. In the Summer, I was so so so excited about the prospect. In the final month before when it actually started happening, I was completely disconnected from it. The wheels were in motion, I was very busy, then I was here. That first month of adjustment was weird. Not necessarily hard (except for the jetlag), but I was still not fully present. I had to make myself go out and then I was in looooooooooove with what we did with taking up this temporary opportunity to live over here.

Also, I need some mad scientist to explain why I suffered so much more from S.A.D. and gloominess in Seattle winters, compared to what I expected from famously-rainy London where there are technically fewer hours of daylight. Seattle Winters are so much harder for me. In November, I kept asking Londoners if all this Autumn sunshine we were experiencing was unusual. They just stared at me quizzically like they didn't notice the sun.

Date: 2012-12-21 02:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Your bullet points seem largely accurate, though perhaps you should say that Green Day likes Oakland rather than the other way around.

Today was a warm coat and sunglasses day which is the kind of winter I can get behind.

We're looking forward to having you here! There's a lot that's wrong with the Bay Area, but it's so damned pleasant and convenient to live here that nobody bothers leaving.

Date: 2012-12-21 02:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yep, that disconnected feeling has been so frequent before big shifts in my life that I've gotten to a place with it where I recognize it and am like, "Ooh, numbness and emotional dead-feeling -- THE BIG THING IS ALMOST HEEEEERE!!!"

You are definitely going to like the weather so much better, especially if you end up in East Bay. Also, you forgot a plus: I am convinced everyone has way more sex in the Bay Area.

Date: 2012-12-21 02:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes on being disconnected!

And the work thing will be fiiiiiiiine, for real. You'll find your niche in no time!

Also, if you do make it to NYC, come to Park Slope where all we do is hang out with the babies at home or at the park. People wrote blogs about how much they hate our mommy mafia. You can come over and the boys can play and we can break bread!

Good luck mama!

Date: 2012-12-21 08:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
since returning stateside a month ago, with the exception of a few holiday parties in bars and movies, i have pretty much ONLY hung out in peoples' houses. marci's, alice's, camille's, my friend suzy's vintage boutique/home, my friend elena's, and elena's mother's, jocelyn's, my friend allison's, my dear friends max and anna. my sister's house, my neighbor caroline, my other neighbor danyel. and others. and people have come here to my place. i avoid going out for $20+ meals as much as possible with quite a bit of success. i also went about 10 months without spending a single dime on drinks of my own consumption (though i'd bought an odd drink for friends every once in awhile, for various reasons).

my point being: the only one who can make you spend money on fancy food and booze is you. not a city, and not other people. given a chance, a city and its people will surprise you in how accommodating and compromising to what you can and want to do.

Date: 2012-12-23 12:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I hear you on the disconnected thing. And the dark. OMG Seattle dark just killed me. I could never live there again due to that weather.

As for NYC activities, all I can say is that in the last year we've all slowed down a LOT. Especially me given work + pregnancy. I do more dinner parties at houses and brunches than going out at night. I think it's just an age thing. You're welcome to come over to our house for dinner one night if you give me some warning.


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